Saturday, January 27, 2007

COM: Blogarithmic #206

Random people i saw around town today and yesterday -- Jimmy and Vicki Hawkins, Lance Lidiak, Reagan Michel, Mike Walker, Kathleen Hudson, Sam McKee -- great to see all of them.

This is some kind of random uber-deja vu. When i was a kid i had this brilliant idea see -- you take a spoon and add tongs to the end to make a combination spoon and fork. Being as i was notoriously lazy, i thought changing utensils in the middle of a meal wasted time and effort. Of course, i did nothing with my idea, and before long i was picking one up at a Wendy's or somewhere, cussing under my breath that i'd missed becoming a millionaire. Well today i ran across something even more startling -- this little tidbit: "A combined spoon, fork, and knife closely resembling the modern spork was invented by Peter S. Gallucci and issued U.S. Patent 147,119 in February, 1874." What it means i don't know, but i have goosebumps.

Steve Peters passed these random wordplays along:
Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational, which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

The 2006 winners are:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying (or building) a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3 Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize that it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
12. Karmageddon: It's when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes and it's a serious bummer.
13. Decafalon: (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
14. Glibido: All talk and no action.
15. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
16. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
18 . Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the
fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:
1. Coffee, (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, (adj.) appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-Nilly, (adj.) impotent.
6. Negligent, (adj.) absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, (v.) to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, (n.) emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, (n.) a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, (n.) a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, (n.) the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Some randomness i got from a fellow Ag in a facebook group:
15 Things to do at Wal-Mart...when you're going to be in there for a long time:
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in lingerie".... and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera; & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream . . . "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here! '

NCAA Division I semifinal Virginia topped the NCAA's final Division I men's RPI rankings -- the Ratings Percentage Index used as an aid in selecting and seeding of the teams for the NCAA Tournament and taking into account a team's winning percentage, its strength of schedule and its opponents' strength of schedule.

ACC teams claimed the top three spots -- No. 1 Virginia, No. 2 Wake Forest and No. 3 Duke. National champion UC Santa Barbara was eighth in the rankings. Runner-up UCLA was fourth.

1 Virginia ACC 17-4-1
2 Wake Forest ACC 18-3-4
3 Duke ACC 18-4-1
4 UCLA Pac-10 14-6-4
5 Indiana Big Ten 15-4-3
6 SMU Conference USA 17-2-4
7 Maryland ACC 16-5-1
8 UC Santa Barbara Big West 17-7-1
9 West Virginia Big East 15-3-3
10 Lehigh Patriot 15-2-3

NCAA Division I women's champion North Carolina and runner-up Notre Dame also finished 1-2 in the NCAA's final Division I women's RPI rankings -- the Ratings Percentage Index used as an aid in selecting and seeding of the teams for the NCAA Tournament and taking into account a team's winning percentage, its strength of schedule and its opponents' strength of schedule. UCLA and Florida State, the other two Women's College Cup participants, finished 3-4.

1 North Carolina ACC 27-1-0
2 Notre Dame Big East 25-1-1
3 UCLA Pac-10 21-4-0
4 Florida St. ACC 18-4-4
5 Santa Clara WCC 15-5-1
6 Penn St. Big Ten 18-5-3
7 Texas A&M Big 12 17-6-1
8 William & Mary CAA 16-1-4
9 Portland WCC 17-4-3
10 Colorado Big 12 14-6-4

BEST YOUTH CLUBS: 2007 Soccer America Top 20 Boys Clubs
For the third straight year, the Chicago Magic is first in the Soccer America Top 20 boys rankings, edging the Dallas Texans. Arsenal FC of Southern California is the third team on the podium.

2007 Soccer America Top 20 Boys Clubs
1 Chicago Magic (Ill.)
2 Dallas Texans (Texas)
3 Arsenal FC (Calif.)
4 Real So Cal (Calif.)
5 Sockers FC (Ill.)
6 FC Delco (Pa.)
7 Baltimore Bays (Md.)
8 Scott Gallagher (Mo.)
9 Vardar Stars (Mich.)
10 Solar FC (Texas)
11 CASL Elite (N.C.)
12 FC Greater Boston (Mass.)
13 Bethesda SC (Md.)
14 PDA (N.J.)
15 Nomads SC (Calif.)
16 Irvine Strikers SC (Calif.)
17 Texas SC (Texas)
18 Colorado Rush (Colo.)
19 Schulz Academy (Fla.)
20 Real Colorado (Colo.)

BEST YOUTH CLUBS: 2007 Soccer America Top 20 Girls Clubs
Thanks to a record-setting 2006 season, the Eclipse Select emerged as the top team in the Soccer America Top 20 girls rankings, taking over the top spot from the Dallas Texans.

2007 Soccer America Top 20 Girls Clubs
1 Eclipse Select (Ill.)
2 Dallas Texans (Texas)
3 PDA (N.J.)
4 Michigan Hawks (Mich.)
5 Slammers FC (Calif.)
6 Colorado Rush (Colo.)
7 Mustang Soccer (Calif.)
8 St. Louis SC (Mo.)
9 Edmond SC (Okla.)
10 So Cal Blues (Calif.)
11 Real Colorado (Colo.)
12 Freestate SA (Md.)
13 Bethesda SC (Md.)
14 Real So Cal (Calif.)
15 San Diego Surf (Calif.)
16 Eagles SC (Calif.)
17 Pleasanton Rage (Calif.)
18 World Class (N.J.)
19 Laguna Hills Eclipse (Calif.)
20 Irvine Strikers SC (Calif.)

You are Spider-Man
Spider-Man 85%
Green Lantern 80%
Hulk 70%
Catwoman 65%
Iron Man 60%
Batman 55%
Superman 50%
Wonder Woman 47%
Robin 45%
The Flash 45%
Supergirl 42%
You are intelligent, witty, a bit geeky and have great power and responsibility.

Okay, but 47% Wonder Woman?

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