Friday, March 07, 2008

REV: 10,000 B.C.

Well, it's epic. I think.

It's two hours. That's epic.

The other 99% is ridiculous. And I don't mean like the back of your head.

Let's see. They speak English in 10,000 B.C., though I can't place the accent. Perhaps Bulgarian.

And mammoths were trained to pull sleds. And there were Disney-moment friendly sabretooths. And velociraptor influenced Moas.

And there's the matter of the little trek. Perhaps the shortest possibility would be the Himalayas to Egypt, with layovers in New Zealand (see Moa cameos) and Kenya (see various middle African tribes). On the other hand, those icebound heights could be Siberian, or Greenlandic, or, what the heck, the Grand Tetons (after all they were speaking English). Thanks goodness we have grown out of speaking in Yoda like they used to.

Oh, there was also the slight delay in finishing the pyramids after the interruption caused by the civil war caused by this one guy chasing his slave girlfriend from HimalaAlpineTetonGreenlandia to Egypt.

Did I mention they were in unrequited love for ten years or so after he unwittingly became the prophecy, after not so unwittingly touching her hand when they were twelve resulting in a lifelong conviction that they were meant for each other. There was no room in this movie for puberty, consummation, or character development. That's probably what made it epic.

But the scenery was nice, and the pink boats were cool, and we got a lot of unintentional laughs.

UPDATE: Have i failed to speak to the blistering white teeth and nicely trimmed moustaches of this ancient clan?

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