Thursday, August 11, 2005

COM: Googling milkriver

One of the fun things about writing a blog or managing any website is seeing where your visitors come from.

From the maps at the end of my sidebar you can see that i track fairly closely. One of the more unusual things you get to see is when a referral comes from a link pulled up by a search engine -- you get to look at the search string someone used to find you.

Some of these are funny, some very funny, some are baffling, and some are, well, creepy (and you wonder how in the world someone even thought of searching like that, much less why it led to your site . . .).

So, for some time i've been collecting these search terms. I knew that this was not original, i'd seen it done on other blogs, but i was hoping to someday produce a fresh rendition. But Bootstrap Analysis is a beat ahead of me (and i was fair game because i scooped them on Dobsonfly pictures this summer).

They have a cool listing there, and link to several others with some unique perspectives, including one site -- The Middlewesterner -- with an extensive Hall of Fame seemingly centered on variations of one word (and probably exacerbated in the search rankings by its continued listing on the site!). I won't use that word here because i don't want their people finding me! [They've now added commentary back -- this could be fun].

So, for fun's sake here's the list i've collected over the past few months (with some snarky commentary) -- the search terms are in red. Hold your ears, shield your eyes.

I should also say that i expect some of these things will make perfect sense to someone, i just happen to be ignorant about some things. And okay, i get some of them, i just worry about the searchers. Some are truly ignorant strings, and most turn out as they do because the searchers are boolian-challenged. In any case, i hope there's something here for you to laugh about.

Okay this guy's voice alone ruined many a sporting event for me, so why would someone want a digital version?

Howard Cosell MIDI files

Maybe this one is only funny if you know that Allium is the genus name for plants in the onion and garlic family.

Allium lapel pin

Wouldn't want to walk too far to get there . . .

weight loss boot camps in highland village

What's more harrowing, that someone is looking for these, or the sheer volume of results that might pop up?

wrecks in louisiana

These just defy description of any kind

if i don’t ti the i will i go to hell
DNA attacks Carrollton Texas
cold sinus hear it crack
horses snail venom

And i guess i'd like to know what these folks were really looking for . . . the strings are just enough off to make me wonder.

albinism in poetry
sex in the philippines
what sports did johnnie cochran like
live cam luna moth
Marxist Criticism Death of a Salesman
lesbians in Marble Falls
Zebra bedroom stuff
is tony alva mexican
why do Irish Men lie
scaring roosting Turkey Buzzards
John Roberts Rhino Nevada
how to build extension cord worm zappers
email contacts of directors of vegetable produce in idaho
quinn pregnant austin xanga asian
Peter Jennings’ gay lover
famous Mexican standup comedians
[googled from Sweden]
where to buy orangine in virginia
albino turkeys in michigan

Star Trek fonts
boy singers of Maine

Kuwait Ministry of Communitations [setting up communes?]
Australian Crawfish Law in Texas
African Pendulous Breasts

a bright yellow hip hop costume
Zebra Swallowtail play
[okay, do you want to watch them playing, or is there a three-act about them?]
get rid of the golden tortoise beetles on my morning glories
Tony Alva laid every night do it all now
photos girls in line for urinals

Okay so i have a long essay online about albinism in birds, that explains why they find me, but really, are people looking for these things?

I post quite a few obituaries and tributes online, mostly people i respect or know. And i guess that someone looking for bios of the more important luminaries find what they're looking for long before they get to my site's link. But it still interests me that daily i get several hits (months after the deaths) for two people -- Brandonn Bremmer and Allison Crews. I can't imagine i'm the only one posting these obits (which, by the way, i horked from elsewhere) . . .

And, speaking of tons of traffic, i once posted a picture of John Spencer's Cabriolet. It's a great car -- was named the most beautiful car in America by a car magazine that oughta know. I feature the car in one of my movies. Anyway, someone must have published the link to my picture, because i'll get three or four hits a day directly to that pic. Most of the hits are from Europe.

Likewise in a review i posted of Ocean's Twelve, i made a connection between a thief's method of avoiding lasers and the brazilian dance/martial arts style known as Capoeira (which i only know about because i know someone who practices it). Well, that has led to daily searches on some variation including Ocean's Twelve, Dance, Lasers, and Capoeira. I quit keeping track of the variants.

Another recent regular feature on my blog is discussion about the rediscovery of the Ivory-billed Woodpecker. What's funny here is that people have heard rumors i guess and by the time they get to Google they aren't quite sure what the bird is called. Nevertheless, using these lovely variants they've still managed to find me:

Ivory-billed Woodcock
Livery-billed Woodpecker
ivory-nosed woodpecker

Maybe these are for use in the Zebra Swallowtail Play

salamander puppets

This is most definitely one of my favorites. At first i thought someone was looking for Brown Recluse Spider. Now i'm not so sure. That's because i've recorded 26 different instances of it being searched for (from many locations, albeit it in a short period of time). So, who knows . . .

Brown Lacrosse Spider

In the category of not-quite-heard-right is this entry which i'd wager was in search of Cockatiels. If not, someone is throwing some expensive parties.

cocktail birds

Besides just inspiring a rather funny image, i can say that this search led here because we have a kangaroo, a real kangaroo, and her name is Hip Hop [her picture is in Not-Really-a-Cat-Friday]

Hip Hop Kangaroo Costume

The most baffling of all is this one. Now i could possibly imagine that someone had two different things concurrently on their mind; or that maybe they forgot to clear the window before starting a new search . . . you see karst invertebrates are a group of bugs that are found only in caves northwest of San Antonio and are considered endangered. Someone was obviously being very specific about looking into their habitat. As for that other word -- well maybe they were thinking of manipulation . . . of course, if they're looking to bypass environmental safeguards maybe that other word is more correct . . .

karst invertebrate habitat masturbation

And finally, perhaps my all time favorite:

are you a loud to have your pitcher taken on the lipizzan stallions

No explanation needed [but a couple of pictures above might help.]

Update: some new arrivals
pompadour and sideburns love feet nylon
Olive nude photos of G-Unit
Photos Australian foreplay invocation
Lizard Cam millions jones

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